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Let
me introduce myself: My name is Bärbel Völker. I am 56 years old, I
have been married for 34 years. I have two adult children and I live in
beautiful Kraichgau. When I was 16 years old I decided to live my life
for Jesus. I am a children's nurse, and for 14 years I was a wife and
mother.
As my husband lost his job for the second time, I wouldn't accept the
insecurity any longer, and in December 1989 I started working again as
a nurse. Finally I earned my own money again. It also meant that I
didn't have to go through the same procedure every day: Get up, prepare
breakfast, see my husband and children leave the house, do housework,
look after the garden, cook, wait until the children came home, look
after the children's homework, wait for my husband, spend the evening
together with my family, enjoying it more or less.
A new life started. I was appreciated. I could have my own career. My
profession, which was also a calling in my life, filled my life
entirely. But soon I had a feeling of dissatisfaction since my husband
didn't fulfil my expectations of him. If he would only help a little
bit in the house, if he would care for the children, not always expect
to be waited upon, if he would be tidier, I often thought. I always
have to do everything alone, he never helps me. I often thought like
that. Our marriage came to a crisis. I often prayed: 'Dear Lord, change
my husband'. But nothing happened. Or did it?
For a long time I had pain in my back. In 1996 I got a diagnosis: 13
benign tumours in my spine. The doctor warned me that the tumours could
grow and they could cause paralysis. After this diagnosis I felt
hopeless. I prayed to God that He would answer me with a word from the
Bible. I opened my Bible and read: 'You are going to drink water from
the well'. 'When this is your answer to me, Lord, I can accept this
diagnosis, because I know that you stand by your word.' Drinking from
the well means that one has to move, bow down, make an effort.
The diagnosis was the end of my life as a nurse. What would happen now?
I started to think about more education, to become a teacher within
healthcare, this had already been a dream of mine from the time I
graduated in 1974.
God now opened all doors, and I could continue my education to become a
healthcare teacher. Two very busy and difficult years followed. In
between I reached the age of 45 years, and this education often brought
me to the limits of what I could manage. In my marriage nothing had
changed. Both of us suffered. With my new diploma and a chance to have
a good job, I was very unhappy. I knew exactly that when I would start
in a new job, my marriage would break. I was at a point when I cried
and shouted to the Lord.
Shortly after I had to see what employment was available. Since my
husband was still unemployed, I searched on the computer for him as
well. Anyhow, I didn't find work for him, but for myself. So I applied
for a job in the healthcare leadership of the Evangelical Church. What
is not possible for man is possible for God. I was chosen for this job,
even without membership of this church. I was grateful to my heavenly
Father. He had placed me in a position which was ideal for me.
I had reached the top in my career. I had a leader with whom I could
pray, I had colleagues with whom I could talk about Jesus, I had
patients to whom I could give physical and spiritual care. I was able
to make my Christian faith part of my daily work.
But God had something else ready for me. One September morning I fell
down a 2.5 metre high staircase in the office. While I was falling I
heard a voice saying to me: 'Bärbel, just leave everything.' This
immediately became real. As I landed on the ground, I had broken my
right shoulder and my left leg, but my back was ok. After six weeks I
would be able to work again, but things turned out to be different. |
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Fourteen
days after the accident I developed a pelvic thrombosis. I was in
danger of my life and had to have surgery. A post thrombosis syndrome
followed. My left leg was suddenly 13 cm thicker above my knee. I could
scarcely walk. I could sit only for three minutes at a time. My life
had changed drastically. I, who had always been active, was now forced
to lie down, dependent on other people to help me. I was in despair.
'God, why do you lead me on this road? First you let me have an
education, you lead me quite far in my career, and now I feel like
Joseph in prison. Why God?'
During this period my mother died, and I mourned her passing. But I
also mourned my loss of strength and my ability to be creative. Where
would this lead me? I had to go to a clinic to receive treatment for my
leg. I had reached rock bottom.
'God, if you are still with me, I need a word from you. I need to know
about my future, I need you to be close to me.' Suddenly there was a
voice within me which said to me: 'My grace is sufficient for you’.
'Grace is not what I need, I need to know how my future will be', I
answered the voice. After a while this voice and this sentence came to
my mind again. Now I was able to reflect. This word from the Bible
continues: 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made
perfect in weakness.'
I was in tears. 'Father, since you give me these words, I will entrust
my life into your hands. I can do nothing more in my own strength. But
your promise that you will be present and strong in my life, gives me
courage and trust for the future. And this is all your mercy.'
Until now, nine years later, this word is always strong within me. Our
Lord led me into women's ministry. He took my professional life away
from me, but He gave me a ministry which I could never have dreamt of.
Everything that my life has been teaching me, I can bring into this
ministry and make use of it. Since this experience, I want to serve God
with my life and the gifts which He has given me. When I look back at
everything that happened to me, I can say: 'God had a plan for my
life.' Since 2001 I have had early retirement. But until this day God
has been faithful to His promise.
I am sure you wonder what happened with the problems in my marriage. I
had to learn that my husband couldn't change. I learned that when I
changed with the help of my Lord, my husband also changed his attitude.
We still have good days and difficult days in our marriage, but we both
know that we love each other. Love is not a matter of what you feel all
the time, it is something that you decide for.
My prayer is that my life will honour God. Not what I want, but what He prepares for me.
Bärbel Völker
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